Where Do We Get Our Self-worth?

It has only been in recent years that I have felt I had anything to offer others as a coach or mentor. Part of the reason is that I doubted my own self-worth.

I had several career disappointments and failed relationships, including a divorce. I was fired twice because my employers didn’t sufficiently value my contributions, and I was laid off three times due to business restructurings.

Understandably, those events caused me to question my value. Somewhere along the way, however, I decided that no person or employer determines my self-worth. Only I get to do that, I believed, which led me to go into business for myself.

I struggled for a few years as a business owner because I still did not place a value on myself equal to my capabilities and potential. Gradually I realized there is someone else who long ago determined my self-worth.

Wonderfully Made

Psalm 139:13-14 says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.”

As a Christ follower I believe what God says about me is more important that what anyone else does, including myself. His works are wonderful, and I am “wonderfully made.” No matter what we think of ourselves, the Creator of the universe says we are made of good stuff.

Once I began to believe that I no longer allowed the opinion of other people to determine my worth. Someone’s opinion can influence me to change my behavior or give me an incentive to improve in some area, but it does not determine my worth. God already has.

The Beginning of Progress

What we believe about ourselves is a significant factor in determining the quality of our lives, relationships and career success. Most of us have some type of limiting belief formed by past events that impacts our self-worth and ability to live up to our potential.

If a parent or teacher says we are worthless and will never amount to anything, that can form a deep imprint that is carried into adulthood, and we can unconsciously live up to that expectation by continually falling short, whether it be in our career or our relationships.

In my case I was never told I was worthless, but my interpretation of several events when I was young led me to believe I wasn’t good enough. Failings in my career, relationships or sports tended to reinforce that belief.

There is a Jim Rohn quote that really resonates with me. “Understanding self-worth is the beginning of progress.”

Until I was able to uncover that deep-seated, false belief that impacted my self-worth, I was unable to live up to my potential and expectations. But, once I began the process of re-programming my mind to change that belief, everything in my life began to improve, including meeting and marrying my amazing wife, Kathy!

No matter what your experiences in life are or the beliefs you take from them, the reality is that you are “wonderfully made.” That isn’t to say we can flip a switch and our lives will magically change, because it takes work, and it takes time.

But we can begin to think and believe we have significant value, which can dramatically change our lives and enable us to step into fulfilling our God-given potential. Healing the hurts and false beliefs from our past is an important step in doing that.

Personally, my growth came about because I became intentional about growing and getting better. For me that meant Bible study, reading good books, seeking the help of a counselor, mentors, and coaches, and developing close relationships with men and women of integrity.

What have you done that made a meaningful difference in your personal journey of growth?

Tad Douglas Coaching

502-265-5036

www.taddouglas.com 

tad@taddouglas.com



Disclaimer – I am not a licensed counselor or therapist, and speaking of my own journey is not meant to be prescriptive for anyone else.